“Gebô (Gift)”

2022 | 24”x24” | Mixed-media:
Prismacolor Verithin red/blue colored pencil, Derwent Inktense pencils, black ink, white charcoal, and water brush on cold press watercolor paper mounted and sealed on lips-shaped wooden panel.
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This piece was created for “LIPS: BENEATH THE MASK”—a group show hosted by A Space in Between Gallery in Sacramento. Shown February 12 - March 12, 2022.

What do you miss about the pre-mask days? For me, both quarantine and masks offered a reprieve for my social anxiety. Ironically, it was due to the absence of my fears and insecurities that I realized just how much of a struggle social interaction actually is for me. I was suddenly aware of just how much I read others and studied their words, their mouths, and their expressions for signs of how I should operate. So how now in this suddenly mouthless world do I connect?

In the Elder Futhark, Gebō (“gift”) is the rune of exchanges and transactions. Making the shape of an “X” it represents the exchange of like energies. For this reason, this “X” symbol also became the symbol for a kiss. It represents the tenet that in order to receive, you must give.

Before the pandemic, I did not feel worthy of receiving. I held onto my vulnerability like a precious egg believing that I was only worthy of what I was given if I crushed my boundaries and literally destroyed myself in performance of ecstatic gratitude and over-abundant promises of payback. These notions were further challenged as I created this piece, due to asking for and receiving help for my cat’s medical care as well as working toward reopening my online shop. I realized that in order to be truly open to receiving, I cannot merely study and mirror the energies of others. I have to be willing to be vulnerable. I have to give of myself. And sometimes, I have to just say, “Thank you.”

$800 | Only available at the ASIB Museum Store.